Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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