Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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