You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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