My first STD was from a foam party
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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