Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
