i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
