I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
