Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
