That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
