I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
