This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
