i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
