i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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