i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
