Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
