Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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