3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
