woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
