You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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