is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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