he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
