it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
