we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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