just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
