I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
