sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
