I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
