i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
