Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
