The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
