What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
