About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
