You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
