it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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