Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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