you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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