My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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