My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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