so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Damn victory sex feels great
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
