I'm drive I can fine osifer
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
