i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
