i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
