She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So apparently I’m into choking now
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