I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
