Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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