"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
