i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
