i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
only if we run a train.
done.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
