we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
