Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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