ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
